The Degradation of the Swag of Musicians

Music. It’s what we listen to, all the time. It’s always playing somewhere on campus, and if not from speakers in your dorm, usually from the headphones in your ears.

Some of you are going to read this and think I’m being a pain in the ass, hipster music snob who’s judging music. I’m not trying to be, or at least don’t think I am. Maybe it’s that I’m not trying to but am that would make it ironic, in turn making me a hipster music snob. Oh indie culture and its social oxymorons.

Now I don’t mind electronic music, in fact, I like some of it. Some. Dubstep has it’s time and place, and in the right context, I find it very enjoyable. Friday nights that consist of PBR and Justice are a beautiful mix if you ask me.

This past weekend my friend showed me this video of Yelle remixed my Madeon. I liked it a lot (mainly for the dancing). As I said, I enjoy some music that has a very electronic basis to it.

However, dub step at 9:30 am on a Friday while I’m trying to sleep in is not okay. In fact, dub step at 9:30am on any day is not okay.

I’m always getting Facebook invites, or seeing flyers all around the school for events put on by EDMC, or Electronic Dance Music Community. Although not my cup of tea per say, I think it’s pretty solid that SOMEONE is using music as a driving force behind social gatherings. However, why do we have no social music events driven by anything other than electronic music?

EDMC, you do a great job of throwing shows for electronic enthusiasts, but sometimes I want to go somewhere and dance to music that doesn’t sound like two transformers having sex. (If I wanted to hear that, I’m sure someone has made a fabulous transformers fan porno.) I like dubstep, but I can only listen to so many drops into heavy bass lines before my brain starts to ooze from my bumhole.

Maybe I’m just not really into it because I can’t dance to it correctly. Or maybe thats why I’m not really into it.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is making a new musical movement, one to support the “other” musical interests of the community. Everyone, I present to you the beginning stages of MTDS, or “Music That Doesn’t Suck.”

This group is all encompassing. Any music can be included, so long as it doesn’t suck. Really, any case can be made against any type of music to claim it sucks or doesn’t suck, but the goal would just be to have an eclectic mix of good music. I’m sorry Nickelback fans, but there is no way you can weasel yourself in here.

So when someone finds the motivation and funds to get this movement rolling, the name is all yours, just credit me somewhere on the Facebook page.

However, there is one big question to address.

What happened to bands? Like really, where did they go? You know, with the guitars and the drums and the not computers?

My Dad tells me stories of his life at this age, and he was in multiple bands, competing against other bands, which would break up then get together to make one awesome conglomerate band. Bands were what played at dances and parties.

Why don’t we have parties here on campus (or off campus, at houses) with real bands playing? I don’t mean a guy with a computer and a bunch of DJ equipment as a band either, but a real, 3-5 piece band. You know, composed of musicians who have devoted years to learning how to physically make music.

You know, musicians who play instruments. Musicians who girls totally dig. Musicians like say, guitar players. *cough* this guy *cough* Musicians with no other way to meet girls.

The electronic dance movement is slowly taking away what little swag us musicians have left. Let’s face it, most good musicians are not very socially adept. In the historical accounts of many musicians, that’s usually why they started playing. “Girls won’t talk to me, but my guitar will.”

To be honest, if your guitar is actually talking to you, you have bigger problems than social awkwardness. You should probably get your head checked out. Or at least get to know your guitar really well.

But social awkwardness is usually why we’ve spent hours and days and months and years alone in our bedrooms playing guitar. Honestly, what else would we do with our time? Play sports, make friends  and go to parties to meet girls? Ha.

A girl will choose a guy with an acoustic guitar and a good set of songs under his belt (you can take that statement any way you want it) over a football player any day. That’s what we tell ourselves anyway. (Don’t piss on my parade here.)

Most of us have no other ways to get girl’s attention. If we have no gigs to play, we have no one seeing us play, therefore have no reason to stand out of the crowd. Being nerdy and awkward are two horrible traits to have if you’re 20. Add in musical ability, and all of a sudden those traits make you a deep thinking, intellectual artist. You can only be the nerdy, awkward deep thinking artist if people know you’re an artist. Otherwise you’re just weird.

So far, electronic music has been the worst cock-block of all.

Girls like to dance, as do guys, but for different reasons. Girls actually like to dance, while guys just like to watch girls dance. It’s a lot easier to dance to electronic music over some huge speakers than a dreary indie artist singing about his dead cat. Electronic 1, live musicians 0.

Bands cost more than a single DJ. Electronic 2, live musicians 0.

Live musicians are notoriously whiney and difficult to work with. Electronic 3, live musicians 0.

So DJ’s are a lot easier to work with, and make more since on an economic level. But can a DJ flip his hair during an epic guitar solo? I think not. This counts for 10 points. For those of you who disagree, ask a girl who has dated a musician. They’ll back me up on this. Electronic 3, live musicians 10.

In reality, it’s just not cool to have bands play live when a single guy with DJ equipment can get just as many, or more people dancing. Plus they don’t need roadies. (But do they get groupies?)

So what now? We actually have to TALK to girls to get them interested in us? Gah, I’m going back into my bedroom to learn some new Fleet Foxes songs. Let me know when it’s cool to be a musician again.


One Comment Add yours

  1. You just may be a gentleman and scholar! regardless, I could not have said this better than you, so I am sharing it with my fans.

    Rock on brother,

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